Choosing Faith

Several weeks ago I was struggling to make an important decision in my life.  I had prayed about it for a long time but didn’t feel like I was getting a clear directive from the Lord on either choice.  Finally, I made a decision and asked if it was right.  Again, I didn’t feel like I got an answer.  So, I just went ahead with my decision.  It ended up not working out, and I had a little mini meltdown.  Obviously I had not made the right decision.  I should have been grateful that the Lord had not allowed something to work out that I was not supposed to do, but instead I started feeling angry.  I couldn’t understand why He didn’t just answer my prayer in the first place.  Writing this now, I’m pretty ashamed about my thoughts that night, because He apparently did answer my prayer, just not when or how I wanted Him to.  But that night, I couldn’t see that.   I started wondering why I should even continue to pray and seek His guidance for things.  Then I remembered a quote I had read in a talk by Elder Neil L. Andersen.  He said, “Faith is not only a feeling; it is a decision.”  Sometimes we have to choose faith.  We don’t always understand the Lord’s timing or His methods, after all His ways are not our ways.  Having faith is to trust in Him even when we don’t understand, and sometimes we have to make a conscience decision to have faith.  It is not always easy.  I am trying to choose faith in the promises given in Matthew 7:7 that if I ask, it shall be given; if I seek I shall find; if I knock, it shall be opened unto me.  I’m choosing to have faith that the Lord loves me and wants to help me in my life as I try to learn how and when he speaks to me in answer to prayers.